09-28-2019, 01:32 AM
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Hi duke,
very enjoyable piece, though I agree with Lizzie about the title. I also think it could be trimmed a little -
the dams seems like a repetition of the river, and the final two line done add much (not to mention
detracting from the excellent 'True magic's... hand'
Just a suggestion
Monsoons return:
stream cuts stone,
sand chokes
a river's mouth.
Charred forest
sprouts, cicadas
sing every seven years.
True magic's slow,
not sleight of hand.
Best, Knot
.
Hi duke,
very enjoyable piece, though I agree with Lizzie about the title. I also think it could be trimmed a little -
the dams seems like a repetition of the river, and the final two line done add much (not to mention
detracting from the excellent 'True magic's... hand'
Just a suggestion
Monsoons return:
stream cuts stone,
sand chokes
a river's mouth.
Charred forest
sprouts, cicadas
sing every seven years.
True magic's slow,
not sleight of hand.
Best, Knot
.