Slow Magic - edit2

[Lizzie]

Hey, Duke. Good to be reminded of forces greater than ourselves.

I think you might consider another title -- it doesn't add much since it's already a line included in the poem. I'd try to come up with something that adds another element, or maybe consider cutting that line from the body of the poem. The former would be easier and less disruptive to the piece, that's my opinion.

Slow Magic


Monsoons return: -- "return" is bland compared to the other verbs which are well chosen (cuts, chokes, undercut, etc.)
stream cuts stone,
sand chokes river mouth.
Dams silt up; -- "dams silt" is awkward to say -- maybe it's just me. Do you need "up"?
     fail, undercut.
Charred forest sprouts,
cicadas rise each seven years. -- liking the layer of meaning with the seven year cycle. Many ancient cultures considered the number 7 to be the proper length for a cycle: weather, dreams, visions. Intended as a Biblical reference?

True magic's slow,
not sleight of hand– -- maybe say a little more about slight of hand (some 'quick magic' examples/imagery to drive home the contrast)
its mystery
    deep history. -- I like the brevity of the lines here. Keeping the 'explaination' sparse allows you to take the reader gently by the hand.


Some assonance or slant rhymes would take the piece to the next level. The edits are going in the right direction, and I like how tight you're keeping the wording.

Best,

Lizzie

edit1;

Monsoons return:
stream cuts stone,
sand chokes river mouth.
Dams silt up;
     fail, undercut.
Charred forest sprouts,
cicadas rise each seven years.
True magic's slow,
not sleight of hand, no mystery
but weight of history.

original version;

Stream cuts stone,
sand chokes river mouth,
cicadas rise each seven years.
Dams silt up;
     fail, undercut.
Charred forest sprouts,
monsoons return.
True magic's slow,
not sleight of hand but weight
of memory.