Your Body And Mine

[billy]

Across the room
I notice the clarity ...clarity doesn't feel like the right word for me
In your eyes
Yearning for my
Body wrapped ......body to be wrapped. how about an image
In your presence

Gently you take
Me by the hand
To the center of
The dance floor
Lights dimmed low
But a disco ball ............no need for but
Shoning above us....shining

Swiftly we move
Our body to the
Rhythm
dancing with grace
With each melody
And high note that’s hit
We move a little more
Passionately

All eyes on us
Whispers echo out
Through the room
To us, no one is there
But us two.......no need for two, unless you're line dancing just us

the 2nd verse definitely needs a good image LB.

Swiftly we move
Our body to the
Rhythm ....cliche

dancing with grace....cliche.

for me it need some atmosphere LB,

you have a good poem ready to break out. a small edit is the key.

thanks for the read as always

almost forgot. for me when you use all caps at the start of a sentence it looks and feels a little clunky