08-19-2019, 06:16 PM
Dukealien
I like the edit. I think L3 is a bit choppy, L5 reads well, L6 adds to the choppiness, and while I like the final two lines the end rhyme still feels a bit forced. Maybe you can add/change something in between to make it flow a bit better (i.e. change 'but' to 'like' or 'in').
Nice poem!
mike
I like the edit. I think L3 is a bit choppy, L5 reads well, L6 adds to the choppiness, and while I like the final two lines the end rhyme still feels a bit forced. Maybe you can add/change something in between to make it flow a bit better (i.e. change 'but' to 'like' or 'in').
Nice poem!
mike
Crit away