08-12-2019, 11:48 AM
(08-12-2019, 07:03 AM)Weeded Wrote: A still bay ripples,I enjoyed this. S1 and S2 are well constructed, in my opinion. Fairs breaks, good rhythm, no complaints. S3 feels like mostly an afterthought -- more explanation than experience. I'd be careful of making a separate line for something that doesn't give me experience ("yet there's something special").
boats tell a great deal
from where-beens to where-ares
water quells darkness
with blue.
Depths divide us,
most never see
those pretty little rocks at the bottom.
Only the sun's sparkle
on the surface.
A pleasant view to all,
yet there's something special
about a journey to great depths
just to come back
with a pretty little rock
for all to admire,
all but you.
S1 and S2 might be improved with minor tweaks.
S3 should be reexamined.
Overall, I like what you're making here.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona