08-11-2019, 02:08 PM
(07-28-2019, 12:37 PM)Richard Wrote: Office RomanceNot sure what the first two lines mean. What door? Next two are okay but the - “calm, professional sounding” - description is very literal. I feel good about the “eye contact under ten seconds” part since it’s more about implicit meaning. The second stanza talks about her trying to forget about baking goods for him and then noticing a burnt* taste but it comes across as confusing, and the “after it was too late” cliche rings like a bell. How is she noticing a burnt taste if all she’s doing is trying to forget something. The tension between the two stanzas is great. 6.5/10 has potential to be a 8
He longs for when their feet
pointed towards the door,
voices calm, professional sounding,
eye contact under ten seconds.
She tries to forget baking cookies,
freezing them for his birthday,
only to notice the burned taste
after it was too late.