08-09-2019, 03:42 AM
First, I like your attitude. It’s difficult for us to separate our feelings from our work sometimes, but it’s also necessary for us to learn. Your going to get a lot of suggestions don’t try to incorporate them all - pick and choose what sounds good to you.
Second, I like that you’re using description - not exposition - to get images and conclusions across to the reader. You’ve a head start but on other ‘beginners ‘.
So just a thought - sometimes one word can do the work of several - like daywalker. Early in the poem it will be misleading - people will think your poem is about the occult. But it would accurately convey the appearance of a tired person , and you could have revealing to the reader that your poem is not about a vampire who can walk in the sunlight, but is describing the physical effects of someone who suffers from overthinking.
Look forward to working with you.
Second, I like that you’re using description - not exposition - to get images and conclusions across to the reader. You’ve a head start but on other ‘beginners ‘.
So just a thought - sometimes one word can do the work of several - like daywalker. Early in the poem it will be misleading - people will think your poem is about the occult. But it would accurately convey the appearance of a tired person , and you could have revealing to the reader that your poem is not about a vampire who can walk in the sunlight, but is describing the physical effects of someone who suffers from overthinking.
Look forward to working with you.
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot