08-02-2019, 09:35 PM
I heartily agree with Knot.
One technique which, in my opinion, is generally problematic is addressing the reader as ‘you’. If you are writing a poem to give directly to a single person to tell them how you feel, that is a different case. In general, the reader knows you are not writing about them in particular, so I think it places a block between them and the poem, rather than draw them in as is the probable intent. More interesting to read about a mysterious ‘he’ (or she as the case may be) who incites such reaction. Just my thoughts on the technique in general.
I think this has potential, and mostly just needs some paring to make it tighter; more concise. Those suggestions would come if you move this to a more intense forum than ‘basic’
Good luck
One technique which, in my opinion, is generally problematic is addressing the reader as ‘you’. If you are writing a poem to give directly to a single person to tell them how you feel, that is a different case. In general, the reader knows you are not writing about them in particular, so I think it places a block between them and the poem, rather than draw them in as is the probable intent. More interesting to read about a mysterious ‘he’ (or she as the case may be) who incites such reaction. Just my thoughts on the technique in general.
I think this has potential, and mostly just needs some paring to make it tighter; more concise. Those suggestions would come if you move this to a more intense forum than ‘basic’
Good luck
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot