07-28-2019, 08:47 PM
.
Hi Richard,
to me this is ever so slightly unbalanced. S2 is excellent, wouldn't change a thing
(though I am curious about 'freezing cookies' - wouldn't the become soggy when
defrosted, or is there a transatlantic difference to 'cookies'?
)
S1: the idea works, the moment when his anticipation is greatest, but the execution lets it down, I think.
Particularly the opening line, it's at odds with the conversational tone of the piece. '10 seconds' seems
rather a long time to maintain eye contact.
I also liked how changing the order of the verses gives a slightly different (and more optimistic) reading.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Richard,
to me this is ever so slightly unbalanced. S2 is excellent, wouldn't change a thing
(though I am curious about 'freezing cookies' - wouldn't the become soggy when
defrosted, or is there a transatlantic difference to 'cookies'?
)S1: the idea works, the moment when his anticipation is greatest, but the execution lets it down, I think.
Particularly the opening line, it's at odds with the conversational tone of the piece. '10 seconds' seems
rather a long time to maintain eye contact.
I also liked how changing the order of the verses gives a slightly different (and more optimistic) reading.
Best, Knot
.