De profundis (final)

[Knot]

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Hi Busker.

The theme works, but wouldn't 'Red, malachite, and gold' need to change to 'August Blue'? Still no idea why Maltese though

While I agree, the Dante may be unnecessary, I thought the cranes worked (though perhaps 'turned' for ''reeled' might help there?)

I don't think either revision offers much of an improvement, neither flows that smoothly. Would it make sense if, following Sangiovese, the next
sentence was a question? As in,

Darling boy,
whose lips are as summer
Sangiovese, does the dawn still
tangle in your hair, like sunlight
through a beach wood? In dreams,
I see a day in August, blue,

....
....
..…


Go trippingly, my sweet boy,
for where I go cranes are wheeling
in an icy wind


Best, Knot.

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