Seven Days a Week

[billy]

hi gina, this has the makings of a good poem. for me you have to make all or at least a fair few of of the couplets similes. by doing so you'll create imagary instead of just tellying us something, it's usually called show don't tell

an example for the first one and i'm sure you could do better but it is just an example:

Monday night I looked up
Red lights created a mood of oil on warm bodies

what i'm saying is just a suggestion but i do think it would flesh out the poem. i like that it's not cliche it makes for a better read.

SEVEN DAYS A WEEK

Monday night I looked up
Red lights created a mood

Tuesday night I looked up
Smog blurred the night

Wednesday night I looked up
Towers touched the Heavens

Thursday night I looked up
All dome was in dark hue

Friday night I looked up
Billboards made a noise

Saturday night I looked up
Jet streamed a line

Sunday night I looked up
Planes twinkled lights

Each day, each week
I take hurried steps
Never missing a moment
To survey the Regions
Where You dwell

I stop at familiar spots
Waiting for your epiphanies
But for the longest days
You escaped my vision
Has someone else
Caught your view?

I was melancholic
My heart jealous and curious
Have you changed your orbit?

Every night I see
A light above me
But my heart sinks!
Luminescence
Doesn’t stir

But when you appear
Radiant in the azure
New, crescent or full
Your beams cheer up
A tiresome day

I wonder
When you will see me again