Divisions

[ginaparaoan]

This sounds like "underacting" but it was effective! I like it!

Divisions (quick revision to see if I like it}

After the catastrophe I sat
in strained communion, alone with my father;
nibbling toasted pain de mie,
choking down bottles of inexpensive wine,
and muttering a few prayers
for comfort
in the wake of her passing.

I woke early the next morning,
nestled in a dusty quilt,
scrunched atop my window seat.
The oak outside was lightning-struck
- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.
Nests were void of sparrows;
with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,
I guess it no longer felt like home.


Divisions

After the catastrophe I sat

in strained communion, alone with my father;

nibbling toasted pain de mie,

choking down bottles of inexpensive wine,

and muttering a few prayers

for comfort.

I woke early the next morning,

nestled in a dusty quilt,

scrunched atop my window seat.

The oak outside was lightning-struck

- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.

Its nests were void of sparrows;

with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,

I guess it no longer felt like home.

Original:

Divisions

After the catastrophe I sat
in strained communion with my father.
We nibbled toasted pain de mie,
choked down bottles of inexpensive wine,
and muttered a few prayers
for comfort.

I woke early the next morning,
nestled in a dusty quilt,
scrunched atop my window seat.
The oak outside was lightning-struck
- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.
Its nests were void of sparrows;
with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,
I guess it no longer felt like home.