07-11-2019, 12:13 PM
This sounds like "underacting" but it was effective! I like it!
(07-02-2019, 01:18 AM)Seraphim Wrote: Divisions (quick revision to see if I like it}
After the catastrophe I sat
in strained communion, alone with my father;
nibbling toasted pain de mie,
choking down bottles of inexpensive wine,
and muttering a few prayers
for comfort
in the wake of her passing.
I woke early the next morning,
nestled in a dusty quilt,
scrunched atop my window seat.
The oak outside was lightning-struck
- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.
Nests were void of sparrows;
with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,
I guess it no longer felt like home.
Divisions
After the catastrophe I satin strained communion, alone with my father;nibbling toasted pain de mie,choking down bottles of inexpensive wine,and muttering a few prayersfor comfort.
I woke early the next morning,nestled in a dusty quilt,scrunched atop my window seat.The oak outside was lightning-struck- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.Its nests were void of sparrows;with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,I guess it no longer felt like home.
Original:
Divisions
After the catastrophe I sat
in strained communion with my father.
We nibbled toasted pain de mie,
choked down bottles of inexpensive wine,
and muttered a few prayers
for comfort.
I woke early the next morning,
nestled in a dusty quilt,
scrunched atop my window seat.
The oak outside was lightning-struck
- the pillar split to the roots, limbs bent askew.
Its nests were void of sparrows;
with no nourishment, no shelter, no comfort,
I guess it no longer felt like home.

