Stay Useless

[one lass]

Stay Useless

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring trying
to be anything more than this.

I was doing just fine wasting all of my time
until I misplaced my will to live.
Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder.
That's why I've buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.
Entwined myself like a cocoon
into someone new.
Someone they couldn't live without
like a failsafe, so I can feel safe.
When I break free and fail to fly
and fall into the hands
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.
Regress to the nothingness
that I do best and find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless.

Howdy. Good Sat to ya.

Your poem- I'd like to see it lean and mean and less chatty.
In the first bit, you established the first person-hood, so
some of the easiest excisions are the 'I' bits that follow.

quick example-

I'm so used to being useless.
The ninihilist's bliss.
It's tiring
trying
to be anything more than this.

 doing just fine wasting a my time
until I misplaced my will to live.

(Never far enough away to worry,
just far enough to try a bit harder) - I'd ditch this bit altogether as superfluous

- buried deep into the heartstrings
of my friends.

-Entwined like a cocoon
into someone new.

(so I can feel safe)   buried and entwined in the above bit suggests the craving for safety making this line unnecessary

When I break free and fail to fly  - this imagery is oft used making its impact here less than desired- explore other metaphors for this, maybe?
and fall into the hands     - I like this
that I have helped raise up to catch me. 

Still during the fall, I'll stall.   this entire stanza is painful, not to read, but in message. not a bad thing in poetry. everyone has pain, everyone can commiserate.
Regress to  nothingness
what I do best
 find the floor.
Where I can be nothing more than useless

So basically, let the imagery as much as possible carry the poem. It's a pained poem and sorrowful, it expresses the dullness we can feel, even inside the arms that would seek to heal us, remote and unavailable in that moment. I like it. Been there. Just a but tidier and lean.