Sometimes

[churinga]

Sometimes the world is just shapes,  I think the first line needs to be stronger/smoother - it stumbles a bit which is especially distracting when the reader is just trying to get into the poem.
I don't know why you think this, it flows for me

Sometimes the world is a screen, different types of screen; wasn’t obvious until several lines down. Another small distraction from the initial read. Perhaps ‘Sometimes the world’s a video screen’ -  
It could be any sort of screen, a pc, a tv, they are all over the place here, in the mall ,in pubs, even on the buses.

There's smiles. are not is.  I figure you’re doing it for voice, but it grates lol
I didn't notice this, it is bad grammar but conversational vernacular.

There's music in the hubbub of a bar
or by a bus stop seat. I know you’re alliterating, but it feels awkward here, to me.  Near...
It seems my idea, the music of ordinary sounds, conversation, not actual music, is not getting across.

TV shows rarely get it right.
The way we think between sentences,
how the mind is slow. Then fast. [size=undefined]These lines don’t add meaning to me - kind of the opposite[/size]
Originally I spelt it out more, saying how TV dialogue doesn't get it right.  

 thanks for your comments.

all the best

Ross