06-30-2019, 05:51 AM
Cold evening fog dims the naked bulbs lining the street
This opening line has a nice balance but it is not very striking. If there is fog, it must be cold and if there is fog, it always dims everything. So the line loses originality by not telling us something new. An image for example would help. Poets love fog and mist, T. S. Eliot famously had his fog become a cat, licking and twisting in 'Prufrock. I am reminded of a song where the streetlights are haloed by fog.
The statue becoming a couple is a good example of how an image can draw the reader in and make a poem come alive, it's a bit unclear here because at first we assume you know the difference between a statue and a person, but still it is more intriguing than the first part of the poem with its simple descriptive phrases.
cheers
Ross
This opening line has a nice balance but it is not very striking. If there is fog, it must be cold and if there is fog, it always dims everything. So the line loses originality by not telling us something new. An image for example would help. Poets love fog and mist, T. S. Eliot famously had his fog become a cat, licking and twisting in 'Prufrock. I am reminded of a song where the streetlights are haloed by fog.
The statue becoming a couple is a good example of how an image can draw the reader in and make a poem come alive, it's a bit unclear here because at first we assume you know the difference between a statue and a person, but still it is more intriguing than the first part of the poem with its simple descriptive phrases.
cheers
Ross