Honey Crisps

[churinga]

I agree with Alexorande. Broad abstractions like beauty, instinct, everlasting sun, flesh and blood don't convey anything that the reader can get involved with. You need images or atleast action. 'eating honey-flavoured cereal' gave more to go on than the whole poem.


addendum
I reread your poem, it has a certain beauty, I still stand by my critique but parts of this resonate
eg

Eroded facts and figures
bask in the everlasting ....

...bells peal ..
The suddenness and scale fail to satisfy.