On Safdar Hashmi Marg

[dukealien]

Not sure I can adequately critique this one, but will give it a try.

On Safdar Hashmi Marg
 
Cold evening fog dims the naked bulbs lining the street
outside the shuttered state house
a lonesome bus parked for the night
next to it a thin figure
coiled around a statue
wet spots where eyes should be
bony noose tightening    I see this, but it doen't quite make literal sense:  a slipknot wouldn't work with (for example) a chain
wet urgent kisses almost drowned by passing traffic
 
The statue quivers
stifled sobs giving life    I feel the need for a break here - perhaps one white line-space in lieu of an em-dash?
senses me
a voyeur waiting
for the end of the show

In moderate critique, although the poem is angular, its joints out in the open (like the embracing figure), most of the items to which I'd normally suggest changes fit too well to alter.  The images are compelling, and almost every use of "the" produces a suitable hitch in the reading.

Aside from the two notes above,  only the first and last lines jar.  The first line sets the scene nicely, but I wonder if it could be broken at (and eliminate) "the."  As for the ultimate line, it does all it should but I'd wish it to be a little more striking and conclusive - the figure to fall, unknotting, to the curb, perhaps, in the viewer's anticipation.

That's all.  It's a very fine work, and though I may be missing some nuances (of the title and "state house," for example)  I like it very much.  Thanks for posting!

Is it a monkey or fruit bat?  Well, never mind.