An Image of Gray

[Knot]

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Hi Seraphim.


Not keen on the changes:
mirrored reflection (tautological surely) lacks the poetry of the silvered glass,
and 'youthful' isn't any real improvment on 'lovely'. Would 'ageless' work?
The title still isn't doing enough and I think you need to offer some justification
for the sudden switch to 'diamond' (unless it's from the novel, in which case
disregard ). I preferred the opening 'perhaps', it seemed truer to the voice.

Perhaps Dorian had the right of it
- beauty is the only art worth seeking.

But could we peer behind his youthful eyes
(or, through silvered glass, our own)
there we’d view the true effects of time:

a touch of cunning about the soul’s expression,
a twitch of weary cruelty along aging lips,

or, see instead, a diamond slab:
chiseled and yellow, impenetrable
and flawed.


Best, Knot.


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