06-23-2019, 07:00 PM
Not a big fan of concrete poetry but this is impressive.
I am not sure what the 'fare well' represents. You could show the flame somehow.
Also having caps for each line spoils the symmetry. Caps for every line is a dated poetic convention.
Some words could be eliminated from the poetry, the repetition of 'land', the use of outer space, not really very comic, the repetition of 'and' in the last part, the second 'and' is unnecessary.
I am not sure what the 'fare well' represents. You could show the flame somehow.
Also having caps for each line spoils the symmetry. Caps for every line is a dated poetic convention.
Some words could be eliminated from the poetry, the repetition of 'land', the use of outer space, not really very comic, the repetition of 'and' in the last part, the second 'and' is unnecessary.