06-23-2019, 07:34 AM
'soak of perspiration' is too graphic. I like the original very much. I don't think it needs improving. Crits are coming from the perspective of perfection. You can criticise any work, it doesn't mean the work has to be rewritten. A poem like this, call it what you will, is an intricate composition, change a single word and the whole poem loses it's balance.

