Second poem, more poemy

[Seraphim]

I think what puts me off here is the attempt to sound “poemy”, resulting in choppy lines which don’t flow, compounded by the slant rhymes/assonance. May I suggest more natural phrasing, and a touch of visual description, that we might deduce what the dermatologist is actually doing? I’m ignorant of the skills a dermatologist uses, so the surgical description does not work for me. That just might be my ignorance, however.