06-08-2019, 06:15 AM
Thanks for all the feedback so far. I've made a few reserved edits, but nothing too drastic yet. I'm trying to work out where an extra stanza could be placed, and what could be included, because as I've made these edits I've realized I'm lacking some details.
S1 changes are influenced by feedback, but not directly taken advice. It's goal is really to describe the scene, not react. Really, I think I've taken away the little figurative language that was there, because figurative language doesn't do well for a crime scene.
S2 removes cliche and borrows slightly from some another writer, but is otherwise unchanged.
S3 unchanged. Should there be a new stanza inserted before or after this? Am I missing something crucial? What more would you guys want to see?
S1 changes are influenced by feedback, but not directly taken advice. It's goal is really to describe the scene, not react. Really, I think I've taken away the little figurative language that was there, because figurative language doesn't do well for a crime scene.
S2 removes cliche and borrows slightly from some another writer, but is otherwise unchanged.
S3 unchanged. Should there be a new stanza inserted before or after this? Am I missing something crucial? What more would you guys want to see?
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona