06-06-2019, 10:08 PM
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Hi UB.
I find the first two lines very engaging, but then there's a lot of rather prosaic description
- one might argue that blood wouldn't be dripping from a corpse - about someone whose
relationship to N is not sufficiently established, with the result that I don't really care about
either. I'd cut the 'film' references and stick with the writing/reading idea.
By 'reading' do you mean 'delivering'? (I couldn't be sure).
My suggestion is start with:
Reading the obituary is much softer
than swinging our front door open
easier than a phone call from the police
and don't describe her, but concentrate on N's reaction/s.
Best, Knot.
.
Hi UB.
I find the first two lines very engaging, but then there's a lot of rather prosaic description
- one might argue that blood wouldn't be dripping from a corpse - about someone whose
relationship to N is not sufficiently established, with the result that I don't really care about
either. I'd cut the 'film' references and stick with the writing/reading idea.
By 'reading' do you mean 'delivering'? (I couldn't be sure).
My suggestion is start with:
Reading the obituary is much softer
than swinging our front door open
easier than a phone call from the police
and don't describe her, but concentrate on N's reaction/s.
Best, Knot.
.