Second poem, more poemy

[Richard]

Hey bob,

I agree with the others that some of your lines need to be reworked. I'm not a doctor, but will a dermatologist remove a mole? If so, maybe play around with that image and make it sound like a murder, until the reveal at the end. Maybe even play around with something even more mundane like removing a skin tag? Just a thought. To be honest, I quite like the twist at the end of it being a medical procedure. However, I think you need to improve on your build to the reveal. 

Still working on revising my first poem based on your recommendations. Meanwhile here's a second that is more poemy.



Sharp


he pulls a knife

my life in his hands

my fists clenched -Maybe start with this stanza? The first two lines are too cliched.
no defence

cuts deep
repeats

my blood flows
till he cauterizes and sews

dermatologist

I look forward to seeing where you take this from here?

Thanks for the read,
Richard