05-24-2019, 06:50 AM
Hi everyone just joined yesterday and have been enjoying reading everyone's poems and critiques. Here's my first one, don't hold back.
It's my least poem-y poem - no flowery language, no metaphors, no rhymes. But it seems to work.
I'm considering adding a 3rd stanza, with character 1's reponse to character 2. But it seems pretty obvious and not necessary to spell it out.
What do you think?
Dichotomy
i bare my soul
tell you
i care for you so much
that i'm willing to let you go
because that's what you need
denying my own need
for you
you reply
“I'm touched”
Then tell me
about a video game
you are no longer playing
and how its helped you
be more productive
It's my least poem-y poem - no flowery language, no metaphors, no rhymes. But it seems to work.
I'm considering adding a 3rd stanza, with character 1's reponse to character 2. But it seems pretty obvious and not necessary to spell it out.
What do you think?
Dichotomy
i bare my soul
tell you
i care for you so much
that i'm willing to let you go
because that's what you need
denying my own need
for you
you reply
“I'm touched”
Then tell me
about a video game
you are no longer playing
and how its helped you
be more productive