Blue Lights (Edit #2)

[billy]

hi blue, i'll just give feedback on the edit; the opening line feels a bit extended, can it be said in a shorter sentence? a suggestion would be something along the line of [me and dog do the same streets daily] it also gets rid of one of the three I's in the first stanza.

I walk my dog along these same streets every day.
But today, where I always turn right,
I veer left. is it the dog or you. if you then yes, if the dog then i'd go with tug or pull or something else.

We stroll past the spot
where they found Carlos last night,
bloody, but held together --
curled up like a baby -- maybe a semi colon instead f a second em dash
like the child he was.

When Paul’s family became ashes could do with an intro.
and his body betrayed him,
he walked to the other side of the station
and the cleaners power-washed his parts away.
But I wonder if some piece of him
still remains there
in the air
or between the stones. i like the inward look at this as i read it

My dog sniffs the rails and ballast,
then lifts his leg to piss
on the ground. a solid earthy end. the dog doesn't give a toss.

I walk my dog along these same streets every day.
But today, where I always turn right,
I veer left.

We stroll past the spot
where they found Carlos last night,
bloody, but held together and
curled up like a baby.
Four years ago, a thousand feet north,
Paul’s body broke apart
and they washed it away.
But I wonder if some part of him
still remains there
in the air
or between the stones.

My dog sniffs the rails and ballast,
then lifts his leg to piss
on the ground.