Blue Lights (Edit #2)

[Knot]

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Hi UB.


I think if you cut the 'like a child line', so the verse ends with 'curled up ... '
that would sufficiently emphasise the 'survived the initial impact ... ' element.
Then insert a line between the current L2 and L3 regarding action/motivation.
Are you certain it was deliberate (or that it has to be for the purpose of the
poem)? Based on what you've said, would something like
We stroll past the spot
where they found Carlos last night,
fifteen, too soon to know more than he was,
bloody, but held together --
curled up like a baby.
work?

Yes, I got the proverbial element. However, the "other side of the station" is a
relative description, and I have no idea which 'side of the station' the 'other' might
be referring to. There's no fixed (view) point. You could argue it's the 'other side'
from where N is, but as I don't know were N is it doesn't really help (or why it
matters). Maybe you might to reconsider Four years earlier, a thousand feet north,
(though it's a little cumbersome).

Could you expand the title, slightly to something like
Blue Lights and Hotlines/Warning Signs ?

Best, Knot.


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