05-17-2019, 05:32 AM
I like the poem's understated tone. The ending is sudden and contrasts well with the penultimate strophe. I also like (although I got this only from Duke's post) the suggestion that the dog pulled you left.
The only unnecessary part I found was S3L1, Paul's family. I think it works as well if Paul's body betrayed him etc. Given all the talk of death, Paul's family becoming ashes suggests initially that they died, but on further reading it seems more likely that they became 'ashen' with grief. At any rate, I don't think you need this complication in the strophe.
The only unnecessary part I found was S3L1, Paul's family. I think it works as well if Paul's body betrayed him etc. Given all the talk of death, Paul's family becoming ashes suggests initially that they died, but on further reading it seems more likely that they became 'ashen' with grief. At any rate, I don't think you need this complication in the strophe.