For Victoria, a Friend

[billy]

not a lot i'd consider changing. i would like to take a breath during the first stanza though. at present it feels like it's relying on enjambment a little to much. without changing the end-jambs, a period or two might make them pop more and feel less forced. i enjoyed the read as a whole. it holds more than a little melancholy.

Her first kiss was with a cigarette
singeing a hole through her shirt,
sparking a fire in the small of her back
as she rolled in a field with a boy
fumbling at the clasps of her bra,
drunk and nervous and laughing
with their breaths forming clouds
for the moon to shine through.

She told me the story the day we met,
and I wished I was the boy
until the day she died, and I realized
what might have been lost.