Two Tenses

[Richard]

Hey celticdog,
I've read this through a number of times, and my biggest issue with this is that some of your imagery is too vague to create an impact on me as a reader. I'll go into more detail below:

Two Tenses
It happened once and only once.
The soul saw its own. -Talking about a soul is dangerous because it's hard to visualize. Why not describe what it saw when it saw its own? That could be an interesting image to expand upon.

    A single glance is all it needs, even a drunken wink is enough.

The mortal stuff offered its best intentions in clumsy heaps of doubt. -The expression "mortal stuff" is vague, and I'm not sure what you mean here. The physical body? The physical world? A human or all humans? I would suggest rewording this.
But time sharpened the view and reservation faded with each day.

    The eternal spirit sees its need and presses, gently at first. -Again, "eternal spirit" doesn't really help me as a reader. Are you talking about the soul or God?
    Once awakened the two conspire to unite.  
    The soul can rest, the mortal can play.

Two Tenses
It happened once and only once.
The soul saw its own.

    A single glance is all it needs, even a drunken wink is enough.

The mortal stuff offered its best intentions in clumsy heaps of doubt.
But time sharpened the view and reservation faded with each day.

    The eternal spirit sees its need and presses, gently at first.
    Once awakened the two conspire to unite.  
    The soul can rest, the mortal can play.

What is happening to the person in the poem to make them experience all of this? Maybe start with describing that event and go from there? I look forward to seeing where go next with this piece.

Thanks for the read,
Richard