04-26-2019, 12:07 PM
So it's mainly because you set the scene by comparing it to a horror movie... and then later say that the fog which creeps up is "shrouding us". "Shrouding us" makes me feel like the speaker if being hidden, but the horror movie scene suggests that something else is being hidden from the speaker. The conflict between these ideas bothers me, but it might just be me.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona