04-19-2019, 01:29 PM
(04-11-2019, 03:49 PM)billy Wrote: hi U.B. i looked at the title before opening the poem and thought, ay, ay, it's a fart poem. i'm slightly disappointed. i'd go for the least is best approach and advise snipping a few words away. i'd suggest swapping the two opening lines round, the first one as is feels weak. i'd also suggest a couple more images or similes. i'd also suggest separating each idea of what death could be with a linespace.Sorry to disappoint, but this is one of those pieces that really didn't have any title theme other than death and dying, so I didn't think "death" would really be title material. I just picked something from the piece itself to fill the much needed title. And yeah, it's not a crazy deep or dense thing, just saw some interesting film depictions of drowning and it got me thinking about the dying process quite a bit. Not sure I'll be putting any edits up here, but Ill definitely consider them when I go back to it in my notes.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona