moonkrystal for skip armstrong

[Thunderembargo]

Hey Thunderembargo,
I give you credit for experimentation here. I love seeing people trying different things in their poems. I got the impression that this was mainly about drugs, but I found myself a bit confused in spots, even after reading this piece numerous times. I'll go into more detail below:

^The Adoption of the Pleiades -I get that the Pleiades refer to stars, which connects with getting high. However, how does adoption connect to this idea? Maybe change to something like "Chasing the Pleiades"?

>crystal-dope, blow my cunny -The only meaning for "cunny" I could find was as a reference to female genitals, which does not help my confusion with this line.
_crystal-crack, up my giant gentile nose -I like the idea of structuring this like a bunch of definitions, but be careful with your use of repetition of certain words like "nose". That word is used three times. I think that's a but of overkill in a shorter piece like this, so I would suggest thinking of a different word.
-moonrock, as an obelisk of future steps of gentle hebrews, my self, other nose self
*moonkrystal, turned dope into homies tired of dank and low-down tones -When I googled "moonkrystal," it brought up a facebook page. I am thinking this is so some sort of drug related slang, but I have never heard of it.
+mooncrack, get high by smoking the clear night into black ginsberg truth -I love the expression "black ginsberg truth". Please keep this in your next edit. Given what I know about Ginsberg, I think he is worth referencing in a poem like this.
- mooncoke, for black body radiation, my body blue from the bruises of endless time -I quite like this line. I just wonder if you could be more specific than saying "time" and say something like "days" or "minutes"? Just a thought.

which is merely space turned sideways on itself, it's bone and lonely self boned, blow, nose, -Is this in a different size font intentionally?

up the wind pipes and stoke the engines -I feel like the engines metaphor comes out of no where without any buildup, so either add something earlier in the poem to lead up to it, or remove it.


get high and send away from this haunted, lonely planet -The expression "get high" seems redundant to me at this point in the poem. I already knew it was about drugs by the ending, so you don't need to mention getting high here.






Is this definition supposed to be part of the poem? Maybe make it a "spoiler" in the next edit?
^^^Ple·ia·des

[ˈplēədēz]


DEFINITION

1. greek mythology
   
   the seven daughters of the Titan Atlas and the Oceanid Pleione. They were pursued by the hunter Orion until Zeus changed them into a cluster of stars.
   

I hope you take the time to work on an edit of this because I think you got something here.

Thanks for the read,
Richard

Am looking forward to the 2.0 version