04-12-2019, 01:49 AM
[quote="carl griffin" pid='245121' dateline='1553716891']
Hug (version 2)
Moulting 300ft in the air, I sniff out This line describes the adventure sport rather than some kind of decadent fantasy: I presume
sea brine, mollusc dust, sprinkled into — the taste of the ocean permeates and breathes life into each percussive image. The word "spray" is already implied.
and crashing against— the whisky glass.
Lit by candles on the restaurant tables However: the word "intoxication," although implicit, must help the drawl and syncopation, since it is a word out of step, or, at least, out of sorts
and lights already reflecting This reverie helps to show the skill of the poet through the haze of recognizance
on the harbour water, I zone in on the marina
decked out in miniature, people Well-stated and well-positioned designation of Lilliputian ratio, Jonathan Swift drinkin' Captain Morgan or Morgan Stanley
across the swing bridge before amber Amber is a well-chosen tone, hue for the scene that you are setting,
warnings flash in the half-dark.
I can’t make out eye colour, hairstyles, Yet it's still important to you, which is remarkable
bone structure this high, just purpose
in their walk, passing blurred berths A kind of convergence in nautical terms of simultaneous embarkation and earthly departure
of tugboats that look like interlocking
plastic building-blocks. Wind-whipped
walkways should entail railings.
One person pauses, sensing he is
being watched, or smelling the mollusc
dust in my drink. Joining my table. A compelling moral tone, the congress of fraternal drinking, the joint satisfaction of infinite mutual understanding
Hug (version 2)
Moulting 300ft in the air, I sniff out This line describes the adventure sport rather than some kind of decadent fantasy: I presume
sea brine, mollusc dust, sprinkled into — the taste of the ocean permeates and breathes life into each percussive image. The word "spray" is already implied.
and crashing against— the whisky glass.
Lit by candles on the restaurant tables However: the word "intoxication," although implicit, must help the drawl and syncopation, since it is a word out of step, or, at least, out of sorts
and lights already reflecting This reverie helps to show the skill of the poet through the haze of recognizance
on the harbour water, I zone in on the marina
decked out in miniature, people Well-stated and well-positioned designation of Lilliputian ratio, Jonathan Swift drinkin' Captain Morgan or Morgan Stanley
across the swing bridge before amber Amber is a well-chosen tone, hue for the scene that you are setting,
warnings flash in the half-dark.
I can’t make out eye colour, hairstyles, Yet it's still important to you, which is remarkable
bone structure this high, just purpose
in their walk, passing blurred berths A kind of convergence in nautical terms of simultaneous embarkation and earthly departure
of tugboats that look like interlocking
plastic building-blocks. Wind-whipped
walkways should entail railings.
One person pauses, sensing he is
being watched, or smelling the mollusc
dust in my drink. Joining my table. A compelling moral tone, the congress of fraternal drinking, the joint satisfaction of infinite mutual understanding
plutocratic polyphonous pandering