Always Behind Closed Doors

[carl griffin]

Always Behind Closed Doors

I will never be curtains open           (consider putting a full stop here, as if to say you're in this mood whatever the weather. It's a great opening line)
on a spring day,                            (this line, like the stanza as a whole, would benefit from an extra element)
dust particles lazily riding               (lazily is probably not the best word that can go here. it's a strong image but rest might be enough) 
streaks of sunlght to a rest;           (rest is a great word here)
glass warm against lonely palm.      (a palm against a window hints at longing, so lonely is redundant here)
       (how can you put a hand on the window when the curtains are never open? Metaphors should be allowed to breathe through the rest of the poem)
My windows are boarded up, nails   (I feel like the window should have 2 things about it, in the same amount of lines. Or you could go the opposite way 
catch those nosey enough                and make this part more subtle)
to find make-believe monsters
in cracked foundations,                   (I like these lines a lot, esp. make-believe and cracked foundations)
rotted front steps,
rusted door locks-
spare keys buried in a soil               (does anyone hide keys in a soil? tho of course it's more original than flower pot.)
the same shade as your eyes.         (black eyes? she hasn't been punched. but again, flowers and eye colour would be cliched)

Our goodbyes just words,               (goodbyes: cliched)
the kiss lost next to nervous hands   (the kiss: cliched)
who play with lint inside pockets.    (who for hands? hands aren't people.)
Our eye contact limited                  (eye is perfectly fine, but the line would work without it too)
by good manners to ten seconds,    (great line)
and as I count, I envision                (at least 3 things going on this line. brilliant)
you will build a mansion from fresh lumber,
curtains drawn everyday,
but closed each night.                 (why not open every day and all through the night, contrast?

I would like to see more ideas in this poem. The main focus is too limited to be interesting for 3 stanzas. Either add to it, or zone in on it more and be bolder with it. I would also like to learn more about the partner, without her/him taking over the poem. 

The first line and the last image are great. In my view, it would be unwise to discard them in any rewrites.