Unmasking
#7
Hello, gina,

This poem is a bit vague, and so is probably going to invite different interpretations from different readers.  I read it to be a person removing makeup (the "mask") at the end of the day and, in the process, going from confident to self conscious.  Therefore all my comments will be made with that interpretation in mind.  If that is not what the poem means, then please disregard my suggestions.  

-Quix

(03-18-2019, 08:26 PM)ginaparaoan Wrote:  UNMASKING

Soft and fluffy
White cotton candy Cotton candy is already soft and fluffy, so the previous adjectives are not necessary.  However, I'd almost prefer "soft white cotton" and leave off the candy. 
Stripping canvass  if you change "stripping" to "strips" then your entire poem will become one complete sentence, rather than a series of fragments.  
Of layered plaster
To make way for air
Out of embarrassed holes  this line tripped me up.  pores do need to breathe, but that is implied in the previous line already.   

A ritual
For a different kind of warrior I like this image.  Warriors through history have often worn masks and paints, and facing the expectations and standards of society can feel like a battle.  
Exposing tenderness
To an open zoo  I do not understand the zoo.  Is this ritual happening in public for some reason?  

Embellished perhaps move the zoo to this line so that the word "embellished" doesn't have to stand alone?  Something like "Embellished before an open zoo" ?
But bare in the quiet
Reconciled to ugliness  I like this line. 
Meek at beauty
The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara 
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Messages In This Thread
Unmasking - by ginaparaoan - 03-18-2019, 08:26 PM
RE: Unmasking - by billy - 03-19-2019, 10:19 AM
RE: Unmasking - by rowens - 03-19-2019, 02:20 PM
RE: Unmasking - by dukealien - 03-19-2019, 10:42 PM
RE: Unmasking - by windsor89 - 03-22-2019, 01:20 AM
RE: Unmasking - by rowens - 03-22-2019, 06:45 AM
RE: Unmasking - by Quixilated - 03-22-2019, 11:03 AM



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