Second Edit: For a Radical, Long Dead/For Dawn Fraser, a Radical

[Knot]

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Hi Richard,
'demon pricing souls' - very nice.
I think you've revised too much
of the 'personal' from the piece.

Some cut and paste suggestions.

Dear dead poet,
you who championed workers
and cursed capitalism,
[you who x and y
- or (would it be wrong to say)
for a demon pricing souls ?]
you would be more important
were you an ancient red vase.

[For] Then people would [assess
your value], debate the significance
of colour, [form, those cracks*]
and label you an artifact,
- don't think 'artefact' works after 'vase',
what else is a vase but an artefact?
but you chose the losing side.
- 'losing side' doesn't really work
(there's no war in this revision),
but something about 'defeated' might.
(What sort of 'champion' was she?)

- I think you need the have something
of the personal in the piece, as in
but still influenced me:
I can now see the invisible monster
that chased me from my home.

So now, [my dead dear poet
I find you] removed
from a dusty shelf
to make room,
[by] hands spite-less
- 'spite-less' seems to be trying a bit to hard,
unless it's one of her words.
in their [labour].
[Tumbled to] the box bottom
of a garage sale, [Here,]
misplaced next to a cookbook
at a thrift store [in X].
- have you skipped over a step or two here,
is the 'dusty shelf' public or has the book
already been removed to storage.

- [*think this list needs to be a bit longer]


Best Knot.

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