Overthinking

[Knot]

.
Hi gina,
enjoyed the read.
Some cut and paste suggestions.


negatively mental
- agree with billy that
this would make a better
title.


Dead in daylight
Sunken eyes
dark circles

Wide-eyed at twilight
- 'twilight' after 'daylight'
is a bit weak.
That’s what you are
Juiced of primal flavor
- how does 'flavor' relate
to the rest of the piece?

When you’re
Forcing a house
in your head

a conflicted,
tattered self
At home

with morbid overrealism
snatch[ing] mallows
(choco-coated)
And square balloons
turn[ing] a supple, pink
body Into a living corpse
- I'd be tempted to end on 'corpse'
as it effectively concludes 'dead
in daylight'.


Best, Knot.

.