Overthinking

[billy]

for a beginner it's a better than good poem. it's original which is rare we it comes to beginners. that said the first line verges on cliche but after that there's no problem cliche-wise. at present the poem is almost list-like and because of this it's hard for me [the reader] to get a handle on it. the thing is it does read as some's overthinking the thing. i think the last line of the first stanza is the crux of the poem. for me that line would be a better title as it sets up the mood of what's to come. lastly, thanks for all the feedback you gave before posting a poem.

I'm a beginner in poetry. I'm nervous, but I am brave:-) Here's a poem...


OVERTHINKING

Sunken eyes and dark circles
Juiced of primal flavor
Dead in daylight
Wide-eyed at twilight
That’s what you are
When you’re negatively mental

Forcing a house in your head
Make for a conflicted, tattered self
At home with morbid overrealism
That snatches choco-coated mallows
And square balloons
And turns a supple, pink body
Into a stony living corpse
Dragging its feet on the sunflower highway
Of an exciting fairy tale neighborhood