03-04-2019, 09:46 PM
These seem to me firstwave images, like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Line breaks and images with no textual, no real symbolism or metaphor. But its subject allows for that. And its title. There need not be metaphors or linked symbols. So that's not the problem. There's either an active imagination mistaken for overthinking or. No, just leave it there. As it is, the poem doesn't have a lot to remember. But maybe you could think about the divide between neurotic thinking and the imagination, then maybe highlight one against the other. The other thing I was going to say was it could be that you just thought of any images that would stick out and be a poem. They just seem stuck in there. But that could work to your advantage.