03-02-2019, 09:09 AM
hi deanna. what i do like about the poem is it's originality. you could have easily gone the cliche way but i get the feeling you thought about what you wrote in order not to. a couple of lines didn't resonate with the poem for me. while the 1st line anthropomorphised the shadow. i felt that was enough for the 1st two stanza. i also like how the poem felt uplifting despite the jealousy. welcome to the site.
(03-02-2019, 06:42 AM)Deanna Wrote: Shadow, you bad boy
You’re taking my golden away
He couldn’t stay
didn’t say why
But he’ll make me go green in the spring
So jealous of sky
Who gets to carry you
marry you not sure this line does much for the poem
Woo you, sweet golden, with blue. i don't know why but i like this line, it works much better than the marry you line
I stretched out to catch the last rays of today a solid image.
Then you sailed away
Heading west without me
You have places to be
And I’m left like the loneliest tree