hi ing, good to see a new face posting. first off i have to say you have some great imagery in the piece, specially what looks like the first couplet but i suspect is the 2nd one. the couplets work well. is the quatrain supposed to be two couplets? i loved the originality of the thing but found it a little ambiguous as to what was transpiring. i doubt it would take much of an edit to let me in on story, though i do realise i could be the one at fault. thanks for the read.
more below.
more below.
(02-25-2019, 05:43 AM)ing4 Wrote: The Forty-Ninth Day
we put the dog in the earth and we waited. a strong opening that grabs attention
it rained for a week. the garden grew a puddle, then a pond. a wonderful image that captures the extended wetness
a tree stooped to the yard on the seventeenth day. it stretched limbs, i'd suggest moving everything after the period down.
tucked head to ground.
the surface of the pond became knitted with worms. warm bodies,
engorged with amniotic mud.
the tree unrolled on the forty-second evening, stood tall. a miracle.
the neighbors watched from the fence. i want to know what type of tree it is.
the final night i didn’t sleep. my mouth ached – from wanting too much,
my mother said.
my father and i sat at the window all morning.
my hands were shaking i was so nervous. this and the couplet above are good but i want to be allowed into what's happening.
he came at three o’clock, puffed, throat pulsed. feathers split out
of his body. he seemed to fill the whole porch. at first i got the hatching of a turkey but in the end couplet he just walks out
my father was quiet. he has the same eyes, i said, the feathers are sort of
the same brown.
in the end we didn’t open the door. the turkey left in the evening.
my mother asked, what good does it do. would speech marks round "what good does it do." add anything