02-22-2019, 11:35 AM
edit3;
Contra Ayn Rand
Origami teaches more
than skillful fingers, memory,
and seeing possibilities
implicit in unformed material;
one also learns–
having folded labor, time,
and vision intricately
through mute matter, owning it–
to loose it freely
into river, wind or fire
without regret.
Thanks to both new and persisting critics! I believe we're now down to the short strokes - the eternal guerilla war between the Oxford and AP commas, and BBS codes. My lone wording change was to eliminate the inversion in L4 since there was no good reason for it.
@UselessBlueprint - while retaining the word order in S2, I did insert the Oxford comma after "time" - not so much to conform to that particular dogma as because the pause is needed there just as you say, to enforce the line break. However, I did not insert a comma after "wind" because I'd really prefer the reader to ignore, or at least rush through, that line break. (And some sources restrict the Oxford comma to cases where the coordinating conjunction is "and," which in this case it is not. I tend not to end lines with commas in free verse unless, as in S2, an arresting wire is needed. In forms I tend to stick with formal punctuation.)
@billy - I don't know why the cod swam into the text there - the system put them there, presumably spawned in response to the leading spaces and changing fonts to Courier New. I use WordPerfect™ rather than Word™ and have noticed in the past that Word™ does introduce such odd fish in the course of resisting font size instructions. WordPerfect™ does not even transfer font names when cut from it and pasted into the Pen - its text is flat as a flounder. So here I am in my little world, keeping WordPerfect™'s advantages privately... guess I'm just shellfish about that.
Contra Ayn Rand
Origami teaches more
than skillful fingers, memory,
and seeing possibilities
implicit in unformed material;
one also learns–
having folded labor, time,
and vision intricately
through mute matter, owning it–
to loose it freely
into river, wind or fire
without regret.
Thanks to both new and persisting critics! I believe we're now down to the short strokes - the eternal guerilla war between the Oxford and AP commas, and BBS codes. My lone wording change was to eliminate the inversion in L4 since there was no good reason for it.
@UselessBlueprint - while retaining the word order in S2, I did insert the Oxford comma after "time" - not so much to conform to that particular dogma as because the pause is needed there just as you say, to enforce the line break. However, I did not insert a comma after "wind" because I'd really prefer the reader to ignore, or at least rush through, that line break. (And some sources restrict the Oxford comma to cases where the coordinating conjunction is "and," which in this case it is not. I tend not to end lines with commas in free verse unless, as in S2, an arresting wire is needed. In forms I tend to stick with formal punctuation.)
@billy - I don't know why the cod swam into the text there - the system put them there, presumably spawned in response to the leading spaces and changing fonts to Courier New. I use WordPerfect™ rather than Word™ and have noticed in the past that Word™ does introduce such odd fish in the course of resisting font size instructions. WordPerfect™ does not even transfer font names when cut from it and pasted into the Pen - its text is flat as a flounder. So here I am in my little world, keeping WordPerfect™'s advantages privately... guess I'm just shellfish about that.
Non-practicing atheist