Contra Ayn Rand - Edit3

[UselessBlueprint]

Contra Ayn Rand


Origami teaches more
    than skillful fingers, memory,
    and seeing possibilities
    implicit in material unformed;

one also learns–
    having folded labor, time
    and vision intricately
    through mute matter, owning it–

to loose it freely
    into river, wind or fire
    without regret.

You've done really well cutting it down so far, and it's far more clear to me now than when I first read it. With Knot's most recent critique in mind, I think 'skillful' works well in S1. No complaint there. As for 'implicit', I don't necessarily think it needs to change, but if you find a word to better describe it (I'd go along the lines of hidden) then by all means, go for it. I wouldn't place commas around intricately, but instead I'd put it back after time. Without it, I just end up ignoring the line break. In fact, I'd probably reorder those lines as well (i.e. time, labor, and vision... instead of labor, time and vision...). Beyond those picks, you've done really well as far as I can see.