02-08-2019, 08:42 AM
Hello and thank you for posting. The first thing I would say is maybe it is better to not center justify. Especially on the internet it makes it tougher to read and demotes your line breaks
Other than that, there is no new revelation or statement on death. I feel nothing at this because I really don't know anything new. Something died? i would imagine there is no more again or suffering, that is really not a revelation. What died? i don't really know so i have no feelings about that. nothing to lose after death? Kind of obvious. Rest, peace, etc - these are all obvious statements, nothing really new.
This, to me, reads more like notes on a poem - Maybe write a poem about death with imagery that communicates these feelings to me or let me decide.
Good luck with it.
Regards
(02-08-2019, 01:26 AM)Cesar Wrote:So, first I would note there are a lot of abstractions. Words like Beauty, death, pain, silence, peace etc, lose all value without something to anchor them. IOW, don't tell me there is beauty, show me beauty or peace or silence and let me decide.R.I.P.
Beauty in the midst of death; painful and scarring,No escape from such a natural fate,But rest in utter silence and peace.No longer to suffer,Nothing more to lose,And no more pain to endure.Beauty in the midst of death; peaceful and silent.Forever, R.I.P.
Other than that, there is no new revelation or statement on death. I feel nothing at this because I really don't know anything new. Something died? i would imagine there is no more again or suffering, that is really not a revelation. What died? i don't really know so i have no feelings about that. nothing to lose after death? Kind of obvious. Rest, peace, etc - these are all obvious statements, nothing really new.
This, to me, reads more like notes on a poem - Maybe write a poem about death with imagery that communicates these feelings to me or let me decide.
Good luck with it.
Regards