green green

[Cesar]

ah, you won’t remember the sweet October when amber juice drips (dripped) from the vines
and where does the little grape picker go on that greenest afternoon

ah, the sea got stormy today Give a little more background, maybe describe the vinyard as "a mass of leaves rolling as waves on open sea", or something else, before this line, it'll perfectly tie in with the line near the end.

little girl, shrink midst the swollen grapes quickly
because the goats’ hooves sing, ah, a joyful god and his dusty entourage,
and a green coluber in the sea of green

ah, you won’t remember the sweet October when you take a sip of juice

Definitely keeps the two ahs, it holds the poem together.
Beautiful piece, just needs a little more refinement.