First Edit: Ghost Story

[billy]

while it's an okay read richard, for me it needs more depth. it feels wordy at present, [i think you could shave a lot off it and add more tension.

Ghost Story

I have seen those who use passion
like a poltergeist shakes its chain. a suggestion would be to pluralise poltergeists. [like poltergeists shaking chains] as it is you have a those juxtaposed with an it.

Their words fistless pounding,
impossible to ignore.
Their actions composed of blood
that eventually disappears.
Their motive a dead child
who wanders an empty hall
in search of heaven.

I have seen these phantoms
fade away in daylight,
only to haunt me again.

Ghost Story

I have seen those who exclaim passion
like a poltergeist shakes its chain.

Their words fistless pounding
one is best to ignore.
Their actions composed of blood
that eventually disappears.
Their motive a dead child
who wanders an empty hall
in search of heaven.

I have seen these phantoms
fade away in daylight,
never to haunt me again.