Second Edit: Pleasantries

[Knot]

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Feels like a wrong turning to me, Richard.


Past tense in L1, present in L10.

'my birthday' makes the adult/child issue that
billy identified more noticeable.

The stop/start nature of some of the lines
(especially S3) is awkward.

'Drenched' still doesn't get you to 'drowning'
('flounders' might?).

The last line is just too long.


Best, Knot.


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