12-17-2018, 03:13 PM
hi wjames. i like how try and bring the bike to life and the last stanza works well though i wear above my heart only just scrapes through this side of cliche. lines 3 and 4 however feel like they could be more original. i'd also like to see the poem extended and filled in with more info and imagery
(12-16-2018, 03:19 PM)Wjames Wrote: Gravel punctures the tire's lung good original start, i like how you begin by imbuing life into the bike.
and I roll down the hill into the brush,
branches clawing at my face a bit of cliche, can you say the same thing in a different way?
and hands, drawing blood.
I stand up slowly,
stones stuck inside the skin now this is an original line for bike leathers
I wear above my heart.