Edit - Orange Man Blues

[Knot]

Hi Duke,

Orange Man Blues
- 'orange man' made me think of prisoners,
then chain gangs.

I feel like a pumpkin,
like a pumpkin by the side of the road.
- visually, this, being so long, it a real
distraction, could you cut 'like' (and
possibly 'a')?
Yes, I feel like a pumpkin
after Thanksgiving, Lord,
lying by the side of a road.
- should it be 'left' rather than 'lying'?
No one to eat me, Lord,
no one to bake me in a pie.
- I don't think this couplet works
(ignoring whether a pumpkin would
wish to be consumed), cut it and go
straight to 'little girl'.
Got no little girl, Lord,
got no girl with a little knife
- anything a bit more interesting
than the repetition of 'little'?
(even 'kitchen' would do)
to carve out my nose and eyes.
Got no preacher man, Lord,
no preacher to make me smile.
Got no preacher man
to light my candle, make me smile.
- maybe cut 'to'?
Ain’t heard no preacher man
- not sure about the 'preacher man'
serving two purposes, could the first
be a woman/wife?
It might mean changing this part to
Got no preacher man,
been alone a long, long time (or something)
but the change from 'got no' to 'ain't heard'
doesn't seem justified in so short a piece.
in a long, long while.
I feel just like a pumpkin, Lord,
a big, orange pumpkin
just lying here, Lord,
lying by the side of this road.
- don't think you need either
of the 'justs'. Oh, okay, maybe
keep the second.


Enjoyed the read.


Best, Knot.